Dear Noy Kulas,
Moving on after a six-year relationship is extremely difficult. For a long time, I was used to having him as my constant companion, my confidant, and my support through all my problems. Now that we have broken up, it feels like a huge part of my life is missing. Every day, I keep thinking about our memories and the plans that will never come true. It is also hard to accept that the person I loved for so long is no longer part of my future. Because of this, my life, work, and daily routine have been affected. Sometimes I lose the desire to eat, sleep, or talk to other people. Even though I want to move on and be okay, it is still hard to forget the pain and hurt I feel after our breakup.
It has been over a year since we broke up because he got another woman pregnant—his elementary school classmate. I never expected him to do that. He did apologize, but I cannot accept that he had a relationship with another woman. My trust in him was shattered, but at the same time, I still have love for him. Because I refused to listen to his explanation, he married the woman he impregnated. But just recently, he started reaching out again. I have been ignoring him, but I am almost giving in to his constant communication even though I have not responded.
- Rochel
Dear Rochel,
Moving on from a six-year relationship that ended due to betrayal is incredibly hard because it shatters your understanding of reality. This creates what is called betrayal trauma, which is the feeling experienced when someone you love and trust betrays you, whether a partner or a family member. It destroys your attachment to the person you loved deeply, weakens your self-esteem, and can even affect your thinking. What should you do? Continue to feel your emotions and allow yourself to experience them. If you need to cry, cry. If you are angry, be angry. Do not hide your grief. Spend time with your family and close friends. If he contacts you, do not respond and block him. Do not fall for his tricks. He has already deceived you once. Will you let yourself be fooled again?
Take this time to focus on yourself. Engage in activities that bring you joy, rediscover your passions, and slowly rebuild your self-worth. Healing is a process, and it is okay to take small steps. Surround yourself with supportive people who remind you of your value. Remember, you deserve someone who will be faithful and trustworthy. Do not settle for less.
