Mayang, 36, single but happy, writes to Noy Kulas about her struggle with maintaining her virginity until marriage. She has had three past relationships where her stance on not giving her womanhood before marriage caused problems. Recently, a church server courted her. He seemed kind but would suddenly kiss her aggressively without asking permission, like when they watched a horror movie and she hugged him out of fear. He apologized but then stopped contacting her for two weeks. Mayang asks if she is wrong for being strict about her womanhood.
Noy Kulas's Response: Values and Boundaries
Noy Kulas assures Mayang she is not wrong. He emphasizes two distinct but important issues: her values regarding sex and virginity, and the kiss. Her belief in waiting until marriage is valid and should be respected by a good partner. More importantly, the kiss was a boundary violation because it was not mutual or consensual. She clearly told him she did not like it, and he apologized. His two-week silence might be due to embarrassment or giving space, but regardless, she was right to assert her limit.
Moving Forward: Respect and Communication
If he is serious about the relationship, he should communicate respectfully and demonstrate through actions that he respects her. Noy Kulas advises Mayang to stand by her beliefs. According to the advice column, mutual consent is essential in any physical interaction, and a partner should honor personal boundaries.
