Dear Noy Kulas,
I will use the name Julious, 35 years old. I am still single but I have a girlfriend who is ten years younger than me. This is my problem, similar to your first letter sender. That is why I decided to send you my problem.
Mel and I have been in a relationship for more than two years after we were introduced by a mutual friend. Our relationship was very good. She is an only child, and her mother has been a widow for two years. Her mom married very young. She is now 45 years old, but she can be mistaken for someone in her early 30s because she looks very young due to her complexion and skin that appears much younger.
Last year, without my knowledge, she applied for work abroad and was accepted. Since she was leaving for abroad, I started visiting her at their house often. Sometimes when she was not around, her mom, who works from home, would entertain me. That is where we got to know each other well. I never expected that gradually my feelings would shift toward her mom. I also noticed that her mom treated me differently, caring for me deeply when we were alone. She was very different from Mel.
I could not resist anymore, so I told her about my feelings. She confessed that she also had feelings for me and admitted that she was jealous of her own daughter. That is why she would not face me when Mel was around during my visits. She agreed to be with me, but she asked that we wait until Mel leaves for abroad next month. I do not know what she meant by that.
Noy Kulas, is our relationship with Mel's mom okay? What do you think Mel will feel if she finds out that we have a relationship with her mom? What can you say and advise me? Thank you very much.
JULIOUS
Noy Kulas' Advice
Juls,
Legally, you have no problem because she has been a widow for two years. She is single, and you are single. So in terms of the relationship, you are not breaking any laws. But ethically, what you are doing is wrong because you are still in a relationship with her daughter. You are lumping them together, which makes your action bad. You are betraying your girlfriend. She will leave, waking up one morning to find that her mother is already with you.
Right now, you need to choose which of the two you will pick: the mother or the daughter? You cannot have both. That is not right. But do not rush into a decision. Give yourself time to weigh things carefully. Trust yourself to make the right choice about who will bring you happiness in the future. Just do not lump them together.
NOY KULAS
