Dear Noy Kulas,
I am using the alias Dodong, 40 years old, single. Believe it or not, I grew up as a gay man. But five years ago, I suddenly changed after having a relationship with a married woman who was my friend. It started as a joke, until we tried being intimate in a private room. That's when I realized I enjoyed what we were doing. No one suspected we had a relationship because I was known as gay. I even fooled her husband, who is a womanizer, whenever I was at their house—he just woke up in the morning. But we broke up because we got tired of our relationship.
Now, I am in a relationship with three women. Two are single, and one is married but her husband is abroad. No one among them knows about my past. The two single women keep talking about marriage because they are in their early 30s and want to settle down. But I have no feelings for them. I still have feelings for the married woman because she is thoughtful and understanding. The other two are very demanding—they want what they ask for immediately.
I want to be with the married woman, but she cannot leave her husband even though he is abusive because they have children. She doesn't want to break up her family. What should I do, Noy Kulas, if I am in love with a married woman?
Dodong
Noy Kulas' Advice
Dodong, leave all three of them because the two single women do not have what you are looking for. Even if the married woman has the qualities you seek in a woman, it cannot happen because she is married. She already has an owner, and they have children with her husband. It is true that her husband is abusive, but you have no right to interfere in their problem just because you have a relationship. It is even worse if you interfere because you have a personal interest. Let her solve her own problem because under our law, she can protect her rights as a wife and as a woman. We have laws for that.
Leave the two single women and do not give them false hope while it is still early. If you prolong it, it will be very painful for both of them. You are only using them to satisfy your desires. Be serious. If you want to get married, find a woman you truly love. Do not play with married women.
Noy Kulas
