In a recent advice column published on March 13, 2026, a reader named Arnel, 32 years old and single, reached out to Noy Kulas with a deeply personal dilemma about love and heartbreak. Arnel shared his story of meeting Ann, a coworker, two years ago, and how their relationship evolved from friendship to unrequited feelings, leading to emotional turmoil.
The Beginning of a Complicated Bond
Arnel explained that he and Ann became close after she broke up with her boyfriend. He often served as her confidant, listening to her problems and helping her recover from heartache. At times, she would cry on his shoulder and hug him, which gradually stirred different emotions in Arnel. However, he restrained himself, fearing she might accuse him of taking advantage of the situation. Despite their coworkers assuming they were a couple, Arnel clarified that no romantic relationship existed at that time.
A Cycle of Hope and Disappointment
The situation grew more complex when Ann started dating someone else, but that relationship ended quickly after her ex-boyfriend returned to her. Later, she discovered her ex had another girlfriend, and he ended things with her, leaving Ann heartbroken once again. She turned to Arnel for comfort, crying on him as before. Unable to hold back his feelings any longer, Arnel confessed his love and asked for a chance with her over two months. Ann neither refused nor accepted outright until she eventually agreed to date him.
Arnel described feeling immense joy, but it was short-lived. Ann reconciled with her ex-boyfriend, who had come back into her life, leaving Arnel devastated. The pain was so severe that he resigned from his job to cope. Throughout this, Ann showed no reaction to his suffering, though Arnel hid his tears. Recently, she has been texting him frequently, wanting to meet up, as Arnel learned she has broken up with her boyfriend again.
Noy Kulas's Firm Advice
In his response, Noy Kulas did not mince words. He questioned whether Arnel was willing to be merely a "shoulder to cry on" or a temporary replacement—essentially, a "panakip butas" or stopgap. Noy Kulas pointed out that Ann's treatment of Arnel was unfair, treating him as an afterthought only when she needed emotional support. He labeled her behavior as user-like and criticized Arnel for allowing himself to be used in this way.
Prioritizing Self-Love and Respect
Noy Kulas emphasized the importance of self-love, urging Arnel to value himself first to earn respect from others. He argued that by continually letting Ann use him, Arnel was undermining his own self-worth and losing her respect in the process. The advice was clear: Arnel should avoid meeting with Ann, especially while he is still nursing a broken heart. Noy Kulas encouraged him to stop allowing himself to be taken advantage of and to focus on healing and personal growth instead.
This column highlights common struggles in relationships where emotional support blurs into unreciprocated love, offering a poignant reminder of the need for boundaries and self-respect in matters of the heart.
