Man Confused by Friend's Mixed Signals After Toxic Relationship
A 40-year-old man named Lando seeks advice from Noy Kulas about a female friend who claims to only want friendship despite emotional reactions when he distances himself. The woman, 35, is a single office colleague who previously endured a violent live-in relationship with a jealous partner. She left the partner after six months and has avoided romantic relationships since.
The Courtship That Remains Unrequited
Lando, who has been attracted to her for a long time, waited until she seemed to recover from her trauma before courting her. However, after six months of courtship, she insists they are just friends because she still has fear. When Lando tries to distance himself, she texts and calls, asking why he is avoiding her. He explained that there is no point since she only wants friendship, which made her cry. He returned to her, but she still maintains a platonic stance.
According to Noy Kulas, the woman likely still has fear of relationships after her toxic experience. Some people take a long time to recover from a jealous or abusive partner. She may value Lando's presence and trust but is not ready for a romantic relationship. He is important to her, but not romantically. She may see him as a special close friend, which is why she was hurt when he pulled away—not because she wants to be his girlfriend, but because she lost an important person in her life.
Uncertain Feelings and Clear Words
It is also possible that she is unsure of her feelings. Some people enjoy companionship and emotional support but cannot yet give clear commitment. This does not mean she is playing games; sometimes they are confused about their own emotions. Noy Kulas advises Lando to accept what she says, not what he thinks she might be hiding. At present, her words are clear: “friend lang.” It is important to take her words seriously, even if she becomes emotional when he pulls away.
Lando should ask himself if he is okay with continuing the friendship just to avoid waiting for something that may never happen.
