Dear Papa Joe, I hope you can help me with my problem. Call me Harold, 26 years old and still single. I am an illegitimate child. My father knows me but that's where it ends. He has not acknowledged me as his son, nor made me feel happy that he has a grown-up son. I don't ask for anything from him because I finished school thanks to my stepfather, a foreigner. I expected that when I met him, he would accept me and introduce me to his family, but that never happened. I see my half-siblings at the mall but I am too shy to approach them because they seem high-class. Perhaps his wife forbids him because she is rich and Chinese, so he has no power to introduce me. What should I do? Please advise me. Harold
Papa Joe's Response
Harold, what you are feeling is not easy, especially since you are a man and you carry the pain of growing up with a father who is present but does not give you true acknowledgment. I know it hurts to be hidden in his life. But listen to me: being a child is not measured by how your biological father shows you off in public. Your worth as a person is not based on whether he introduces you to his family or not. In truth, the man who raised you and loved you is more of a father than the one who shares your blood but lacks action and presence. Look at your stepfather: even though you are not his own flesh and blood, he sent you to school, treated you well, and showed you what a real father is. That, Harold, is a great blessing that not every child in your situation has. Do not let your biological father's shortcomings define your identity. You can try to approach your father in a peaceful way. Maybe he is just afraid or controlled by his family. But if after that he still does nothing, accept that some fathers simply do not know how to be fathers. Move on with your life, Harold.
